Yeah...

Im hangin' in there... Im now at 930 on my ab-count :) I have been doing pretty well lately, masha'Allah. I haven't been eating too much. I have recently found other things to help me desire my goal... I feel alot better after working out... yeah, I always knew that would be the case... just don't really know why I didn't just stop being so stubborn and get to it before... hence the word stubborn... Okay, anyway, I have really decided that I want to be able to look good some things that I have never been able to wear before and for some reason... this desire seems to be the driving force in my current efforts... may Allah keep it strong and give me success... ahmeen :)

Amazing to be...

Well, things are... happy and nice, masha'Allah :)
Ramadaan is going very well, masha'Allah! I've been trying to not over-indulge after breaking the fast... tonight was a bit more challenging as we had some people over for iftar... but I figured I did okay... my belly is still sick though so pretty much every time I eat anything Im rushing to the bathroom pretty quickly... I hope to be feelin' better soon... I'm really enjoying my ab-roller thingy... Im getting closer to my goal of 3000... today I stand at 480... thats a good start... I feel a difference already... I can also see that my belly isn't sitting out as much as it used to, and its not as pillow-ee as it used to be... I really am anxious to see how I look after 3000... insha'Allah it will be amazing... 

Word of the day...

Luminostiy...
I just really like this word... I really just rolls off the tongue in a velvety swirl... don't you think... its a brilliant word...

Ramadaan at last...

I am very happy that it is Ramadaan... I've been really looking forward to this time... I have started exercising more now... finally :) I got an ab-roller thingy and that is amazing... I have a goal of like 3000 crunches or sit-ups... just a start... I'm already close to 200... It seems to be helping... I really hope so :) my eating is going to be strange this month but that is a really good thing... I just pray that I have some will-power when the Ramadaan sweet-tooth kicks in :) I really want to lose some weight before Eid... but Im a bit worried about the skirt I bought... its already loose... but I just gotta tell myself that I would much rather have to buy something new due to losing weight than to fully fit the darn thing... I want to be much healthier by then... we'll see... insha'Allah I will see some improvement...

been outa touch...

I can't believe it's actually be an entire month since my last post... I've been not really doing so well with my plan... actually... I'm not sure that any real plan even exist at this point. I've been sick lately so that explains my lack of shakes but even before that... when I was still having at least one shake per day I was still slipping too much... I know that I've been getting more and more depressed about my weight lately... I hope that I can get back on track when I get to feeling better... I've been only able to eat crackers and maybe a few other things for the last few days. I don't like feeling out of control... like I can't stop myself form indulging... I have an addiction to food and I don't know if it will ever cease to be an issue for me... every time I think that I have finally got it beat... usually that is when I mess up the most... must be mental??? I want to keep trying... keep fighting... I just pray that I can find the strength to continue when everything looks so desperately hopeless... I hate it when things cross my mind which only hinder my progress... things like...'can I really do it?' or 'it will never be over'... those are the things I fight to keep away from my mind... they only make it more difficult to find focus... I feel like every part of my life could be improved were I to lose this weight... so why is it so difficult to stay on track... knowing that everything will be better when its finally done? I often wonder at my own sanity... am I crazy... is something really and truly mentally wrong with me that I can't just get this over with once and for all??? Why is food such and issue??? I mean... its JUST FOOD... nothing haraam... or harmful or dangerous... JUST FOOD... why do I have to have a problem with something so silly... When will I grow up and get over this silliness??? Because it must be totally silly to have an addiction to something so silly as FOOD... I truly wish I had some of the answers to these questions... This is me starting over... my counter has been reset... the past... oh so many days have amounted to nothing... I must begin anew... yes... I know that is depressing... just imagine how it must feel to be me right now and have to admit that I totally messed up and haven't accomplished anything... yeah, I'm truly at an all time low I think... Well... I guess that should mean that the only place I have to go is up... right??? I truly do pray that is the case... I don't know how I could get any lower... may Allah protect me from that... ahmeen... Please... if there is anyone that stumbles upon this site and actually reads this... make dua'a for me... I truly need it...

Word of the day...

Sheepish...
We all feel a bit embarrassed at times don't we...

Gettin' there...

Well, yep... Im gettin' there insha'Allah... I feel more focused than I have been in ages... yesterday I kinda let myself have a 'last hoo-rah' so to say and I ordered from Hardees for dinner... It was good and that was what I needed to move past my dumpy ways... I am continuing my liquids until I see a bit of a change in my appetite, insha'Allah. I have begun exercising more now... I've included jumping jacks (what I call 'double jacks' actually) and some sit-ups... which hubby helps with... I will be better at that when my tummy muscles get stronger... insha'Allah that will be sooner rather than later. I use my bike consistently every other day now... thats a huge improvement. I've still go a long way to go so I better get goin'... :)