Word of the day...

Serene...
this word totally describes how it feels to be in an empty house... ahhhh ;)

Shhhh....enjoy the quiet...

I seem to have been doing pretty well the past few days. I'm not having as many cravings as I once was... that is a blessing. I like having shakes though... they seem to help curb my sweet tooth a bit. In the past I always tried to cut out sweets entirely and that always worked for a while... until my body got to the point where it demanded it and then it was always hard to stop. I could manage to control it for a bit but after a month or so I would binge... Not the best thing when it comes to losing weight... of course ;) I have been trying to limit my carbs a bit more lately though. I don't wanna overdo that... when I get too 'carb happy' my body gets sick... funny huh? I never seemed to see how bad they were for me until now... guess that just supports my theory that I'm getting older... just a theory :) All in all... I'm happier now than I have ever been with myself... its not complete yet but insha'Allah that will come. Today is a good day and I am looking forward to going out to dinner with my hubby. I've been good lately with my eating so I am thrilled to feel that I really have earned this night. I will update later with the details, insha'Allah... I'm off to enjoy the peace and quiet that my house holds. My kids are spending the weekend with their grandparents... amazingly wonderful... yeah, I kinda miss the little crazies... but... not... that... much :)

Word of the day...

Exhilaration...
I really like this word... It seems to give me a boost of confidence and energy... nice huh?

Day ninety-four...

Well, I'm feeling pretty happy about my progress today... my mom sent me a box of stuff and that was great, masha'Allah. She had tucked into a book my senior class photo and I was sooo shocked when I saw it. I had always thought of that time and... in my mind... I seemed to think I was much smaller then... maybe because I know I gained some before I got married... Well, much to my amazement... when I saw the pic I was shocked to see that I was sooo big then. It hit me like a ton of bricks... I couldn't believe that I was that big then... yet I was soooo happy that my face is sooo much smaller than that photo... this made me feel happy. I was pleasantly surprised... so to say :) That really gives me more confidence... just think I was just talking about my lack of confidence and then Allah, the Most Merciful, sends me confidence from a source that I never would have imagined... Alhmadulillahi Rabbil Alameen!!!

Yay... I gotta box from my Mama :)

This is my first time ever uploading a video on youtube so don't laugh... We did have fun though on our adventure to the post office... enjoy... sorry about my horrible camera skills... like I said... first video :)
 

Triumph...

I did it!!! Tonight I resisted the urge to nibble... this is a great accomplishment for me. Lately it's been so difficult for me to resist any type of food related urge. I am thrilled at this small, but significant, triumph. I drank a huge bottle of water instead of nibbling. This feels good... this is how I used to be able to curb my desires to indulge. Twice today I was able to redirect my cravings to drinking more water... This is good for me, masha'Allah. So, today has ended on a really good vibe... and of this I am immensely thankful :)

I wonder...

Sometimes I just sit and think and wonder how I will be when I finally get all this weight off... will I ever feel confident?? When will I decide I look the way I want, or will I always be plagued with thoughts of not being beautiful enough??? Baggage from media and all that garb is difficult to ignore. I know realistically that it isn't realistic to look to that stuff as a goal... its unobtainable... still... I'm just too insecure with myself. I would love to leave it all behind and feel confident and be pleased with myself... I dream of that day actually... it would feel awesome... of that I'm sure ;) I pray that I get there... I'm seeing results... today, I was digging into my stack of clean clothes tying to find something to wear... as all of my favorites were in the machine to be washed... I pulled out a dress I hadn't worn in ages... and as I remembered it was always tight, so I tossed it aside in hopes of finding anything else to put on... Well, I didn't find anything else and smirked at the dress and told myself I would have to wear it just until I finished washing my clothes... I was shocked when I slid the dress over my head and it dropped past my belly without getting hung up on anything... It is really loose... Amazement!!! Even when I was on atkins this dress didn't fit this way... That really is something... I know that this should make me feel wonderful... but I still feel soooo fat... I don't know why... but I still feel like I'm no where near done... although I'm not sure if my darlin' hubby has ever seen me this small... yes... I am praying for acceptance and satisfaction with my body... Insha'Allah the day WILL come when I look into the mirror and know that I'm where I want to be... I have gotta find the confidence to get there, insha'Allah...

Day ninety-two...

Today has been much better than the last week as far as my control is concerned... Alhamdulillah, I am very thankful for that. I did well yesterday also, I was a bit sick though. My belly has really been hurting lately. Yesterday, I had my shake for breakfast but it really made my belly hurt... so today, I tried somethings a bit differently. I had food... not shake... for breakfast, in hopes of not upsetting my tummy... it was a bit better but still, even after eating a nice breakfast... my belly still ached... I dunno... probably just a bug of some type... I can't complain... anything that makes me eat less or helps to curb my cravings is a blessing :) Well, I hope to finish my day well... I'll update soon, insha'Allah...

Word of the day...

Prerequisite...
I like this word... I used it just this morning with my daughter... she is learning words from my 'word of the day' updates :) Its a good thing... I hope :)

ENOUGH!!!

I've officially had enough of my overindulges... as I sit here... in my comfy chair after yet again disappointing myself again... I am completely exhausted from being this way and giving in too much. I will have better control... I can do this... I've done it before and I'm not gonna let myself mess everything up! NO MORE... I'm done... I will be in control!!! May Allah, the Most High, bless me with willpower and success... ahmeen.

Word of the day...

Keen...
This is my word today only because I simply can't avoid it... I'm reading this book and for some reason they use this word a ridiculous amount of times... its actually driving me crazy... then I made the mistake of telling my hubby about my annoyance at the over-usage and he persists in annoying me further by sneaking it into general conversation... you might say that he is KEEN to annoy me... ha ha ha!!!

Day ninety...

Wow!!! I can't believe I've actually been at this for ninety days!!! That is truly a blessing from Allah... I am not usually the one with long lasting drive for things. This thing is really fun though... I'm enjoying myself while trying to make sense of my crazy cravings and desire to get thin. I appreciate anyone that reads this and I hope that somehow you are finding some benefit from my ramblings... I have been doing better today, although I did nibble a bit while I was in the kitchen cooking breakfast and lunch for my kiddos... doughnuts should not be bite sized... its maddening!!! Anyway... I am eagerly looking forward to when the kids finally finish off the 'demon cakes' and my home is free of the things once and for all!!! Although... that doesn't mean that Haylah won't make more... ahhh when will it end??? Anyway... okay... I'm sane again... insha'Allah :) Well, I'm off...

Word of the day...

Superfluous...
I love this word... maybe a bit too much???

Day eighty-nine...

Well, I've been slipping a bit :( Doughnuts are evil!!! Anyway, I'm doing okay other than the sudden desire to eat all the home-made doughnuts in the world... In fact... for some crazy reason, I'm actually eating one now... gotta get it together!!! My shakes have been going well, but the past week has been... well... ehh, to say the least. I'm trying to get it going in the right direction though... with the exception of this last... well... you know what :) I will update later though... insha'Allah I will be through my extreme doughnut craze...

Day eighty-five...

Today has been okay, but a bit out of whack... we were out of milk this morning so I skipped my morning shake and had a breakfast that was a bit too carb heavy. I had my shake for lunch... as my darlin' hubby got milk :) I just enjoyed a really yummy dinner and I'm feelin' pretty good... but... Haylah made the most delicious home-made doughnuts and... yep... you guessed it... I had some... they are addictive too!!! I've gotta have better control of myself around them. I know that they won't actually last too long in this house of 10 people but still, I've gotta resist!!! They were good though ;) Well, insha'Allah tomorrow will be much better... I'll keep you updated...

Word of the day...

Frenzy...
I've heard this used too many times today... even by me a few times... its gotta be my word of the day today :)
I really like this word though... I dunno why though :)

Word of the day...

Nostalgia...
I've just been thinking...

Day eighty-two...

Wow... I'm sorry for missing too many days of posting. I've been busy lately... still, mostly just lazy I guess :) Things have been going really well with my diet... Alhamdulillah, I've been keeping up with things nicely. I've been drinking my shakes and eating my meals... I need more water and I'm getting a bit worried that my portions are becoming bigger than I should be having... gotta get that back under control, insha'Allah. I feel like I'm doing good but I don't want to get comfortable with that. I am amazed that I have been keeping up with this so long... this is totally against the way I usually do things... I really want to continue and actually get all of this weight off this time. I want for this to be the final effort... the constant one that gets me to the desired result... Yeah, I know that I will need to continue even after I get to my goal size but thats something that I'm anticipating. I am trying to change my entire way of thinking so that when I get smaller I will actually think smaller too :) I haven't been slipping up lately, apart from the portion concerns (although that is a minor concern that isn't out of control and I will get back in order insha'Allah). I am pleased and I pray that I will see more results... I just wish that my belly would disappear!!! Yeah, I know... dream... dream.... dream.....

Well, today has been going okay, I guess, if you exclude the fact that I was ravenous at lunch time and had my snack at the same time as my shake... I feel guilty about that... still, I think I've made up for it now though, insha'Allah. I'm a bit nervous because I was planning on going out this weekend to visit some friends and I want to look my best. I was contemplating an all liquid diet for the next few days but thats not gonna do anything but make me snarky. I just gotta stick to my plan though. I've been having more difficulty lately keeping on track with lunch time. I don't know why, but in the middle of the day Im sooo hungry. I think its because I don't have my snacks regularly... gotta fix that, insha'Allah. Or it could be the fact that when I do snack its just on protein stuff like eggs or meat or something like that so I'm mostly eating protein. Maybe I need a few more carbs... Today I went into a deep sleep after lunch and slept for hours... I was late cooking dinner even. I was shocked! I think that I must have over done it somehow... although I really didn't have too much... Just a small amount of this dish that Haylah fixed with hotdogs and meat with onions and tomatoes and I had a small amount of green salad with it... I waited about thirty minutes then I had a shake. Maybe it was just my lack of sleep at night catching up on me... But, maybe it was the fact that I was soooo hungry before I ate that when my body got what it needed it knocked me out... either way... its not good to eat like that... I've gotta get it together... Insha'Allah tomorrow will be easier...

Word of the day...

Snarky...
I just heard this one and its funny... I really like it and plan on using it often... 
'Don't be snarky!' ha, see :)

Day seventy-eight...

I can't believe it!!! 78 days into this adventure! I am pleased with my progress and I know that, at times, I have faltered but I am satisfied with the fact that I am still going strong. Nothing is perfect... except Allah... so I know I will falter at times... I've done well the past two days though... that is after my carb binge over the weekend... Its good to be back on track. I painted my livingroom and that was an amazing thing for me... I loved doing it and can't wait to finish up the whole house :) well, I'm great today and thats enough for now :)

Word of the day...

Sabotage...
This is when people send me delicious sweets, red velvet cake and too much temptation... knowing I'm weak on will power... hmmm.... it was good though :)

Frustration...

Well, I'm a bit frustrated at the fact that I started my day kinda stupid... I was so busy this morning that I didn't end up drinking my breakfast shake until lunch time... that means that stupid me skipped yet another meal. I wanted to have another shake for lunch but was forced to have a bland lunch meal due to the fact that my crazy kids raided the ice trays and so... no ice to make my shake :( I will have it later though, insha'Allah. Im feelin' pretty moody today though. I got way to upset about no ice... insha'Allah I will be feelin' better later. I'm planning on some 'me' time tonight after the kids go to bed... insha'Allah! I need some time to myself. My son is feeling better now and I am pleased not to be tied to such a strict schedule. I will feel better after tonight, insha'Allah...

Word of the day...

Resume...
Yep... thats what I gotta do...

And along came a kit-kat...

so... I'm sure that you know already... I messed up a bit today... Kit-kats should be banned!!! They are too yummy!!! I did have a kit-kat... I will make up for it though, insha'Allah! Also, to make matters even worse... I skipped lunch. I know, I'm not supposed to do that but, I'm an idiot!!! Well, insha'Allah I didn't do too much damage, although, the real thing I'm worried about is the fact that I have a freakin' huge bag of kit-kat minis in my drawer that someone gave me... aaahhhhhhhhh!!!!! I MUST HAVE CONTROL!!!!! I'll update...

Word of the day...

Flabbergasted...
This is a great word for today... this is exactly how I feel to have made it this far!!! Yay me :)

Day seventy-three...

Wow, I am completely amazed to have made it this far... I need to improve in a few ways but all in all... I'm pleased with how things are going. I need to drink more water and get into more exercise... I've been a bit lazy lately and I know that I would lose more with exercise... but I hate it ;) I have been feeling much better about myself these days... I really just wish that I had a better self-esteem though, its hard always being so self-conscious. I often wonder if I will ever be content with the way I look. I've been big for too many years. I actually used worry about how I would look after losing the weight. I don't know why, but I always had some kind of  skepticism that made me think I wasn't gonna look good or something. My hubby keeps reminding me that he's never seen anyone that lost weight that looks worse after. I am seeing good things though and I am starting to get over that. I just wish I had actually done this years ago, when I was younger... I feel like I wasted my best years with being overweight. I could have been much prettier had I done this years ago... Oh well, whats done is done and I can't complain... better late than never, right? I will keep my focus and insah'Allah I will be amazed...

Word of the day...

Euphoric...
ummm... happy, happy, me :)

Day seventy-one...

Today has been different. I'm having a bit of trouble dealing with my urges to nibble but all in all, ok. I haven't indulged and I don't plan to. I had my shake for breakfast and a nice lunch. I know that I need my snacks, I don't know why I haven't been having those regularly but I haven't. I'm sure this is related to my nibbling desires. I'm really feeling different these days... like I'm getting thinner... This makes me so happy... I'm actually doing it... from thick to thin ;) Alhamdulillah, I can't get lazy though... Oh, I found my dimple :) I have a dimple only on one side of my face... I haven't seen it in ages... actually I have been overweight for so long that I kinda forgot it was there. It wasn't visible until now. This means I am on the right track. I love seeing it again. Makes me feel prettier... oh well, I'm gettin' there.

Alhamdulillah! Today was great, I enjoyed my shakes and I am really noticing my belly finally going down!!! This is something that I have really been waiting for! I know that I still have a long road ahead of me but I am just so pleased to be seeing results... to me its amazing! So long I have felt like I would never change. I had pretty much given up hope... well, this is the final thing and you know what... I am confident that this is exactly what I needed. I needed to focus on each day and not to look beyond that. Yeah, I have a goal weight in mind but I am looking at each accomplishment and trying to live day by day struggling to make each moment an accomplishment. Yeah, I falter at times... but I succeed too :) I am happy today :) Masha'Allah! Truly, all praise and thanks belong only to Allah alone.

Word of the day...

Subtle...
hmmm... this word is quiet and sneaky... :)

Day sixty-nine...

Well, today is going great... I had a shake for breakfast and I let myself have french fries, and some other stuff for lunch... yum, yum! I plan on having another shake for dinner, insha'Allah. Last night was great, masha'Allah. Hubby and I went out to Fudruckers...YUMMY!!! I got the chicken tenders platter and man, they served me enough food to feed all 7 of my kids... It was really yummy though ;) I didn't eat it all... it was just too much! I enjoyed my unsweetened ice tea... took me back to my southern roots :) I can't believe that its been so long... I'm really seeing improvements and that is fantastic!!! Gotta keep it goin' though, insha'Allah... Thanks to anyone that actually reads this... 
 

Word of the day...

Reflective...
hmmm.... lets ponder this... :)

Day sixty-seven...

Today has been much better than the past few, masha'Allah. My son is getting better, although I am constantly having to remind him that he shouldn't be running around like a crazy kid when he has pneumonia... I too am feeling much better today. I've been feelin' pretty zombie like the last few days and I am very pleased that today I feel a little life zinging in my system. My eating has been fantastic... It's pretty easy for me to follow my plan at this point... that better not make me lazy though! I've always gotta keep guard so that doesn't happen, insha'Allah. Right now I'm sipping a vanilla slim fast shake. I added some instant coffee while blending it this time... yum, yum, its mocha flavored now :) Just one of the ways that I switch things up sometimes. It is my latest thing, I guess. I don't know if I will have my meal at lunch or dinner. Maybe lunch... I like having a shake for dinner... seems like it digests better. Well, I'm off... I'll try to update more often... I've been a lazy bum... gotta fix that, insha'Allah :)