Ages and ages...

Well, its been ages since my last post... I dunno.. Its hard to get into anything right now... life seems to just take over and I'm left without much time for this... I need to get back on track though... I've been exercising but its not enough... I need to do more... seems I'm never doing enough... very frustrating that is :( Oh well, maybe I will do better and see more results soon... I've gotta stop being such a lazy bum I guess...

Winding down...

Well, its finally the last ten nights of Ramadan... It is sad that this beautiful month will soon be over and we will have to wait another year to enjoy it again :( Things have been a bit crazy around here lately. My youngest boy got really sick earlier this week and was throwing up too much, we ended up taking him to the emergency room where he was admitted and given fluids via IV due to his severe dehydration... poor thing! He had to get poked and prodded with needles and he was so pitiful :( But, alhamdulillah, he is better now :) He lost a bit of weight though and is slowly regaining it... I hope he will be back to normal soon... he's my baby... Other than that we are all doing well... My older son had another bout of asthma so we are still getting over that but he is much better, masha'Allah. I've been doing alright as far as my eating is concerned... that is good... I've been trying to only eat my dinner and then one snack before bed... it seems to be working... apart from being exhausted from lack of sleep, I think I've been feeling alot better these days too ;)
Well, I hope to be able to resist all the temptations of the up coming eid... hmmm... we'll see!

Word of the day...

Angst...
I have seen this word alot lately and I like to have different ways of expressing myself so instead of saying dread or apprehension... we have this new gem of a word... angst... if someone is 'angsty'... they are brooding... although 'angsty' is actually a made up form of this word :) I just looked up angsty and it is actually the adjective form of angst... wonder why the spell check doesn't know it???
enjoy :)

Month of restraint...

Yeah, I've been tryin' to restrain myself this Ramadan and try to eat less... it seems to be working, masha'Allah! Im working out more... when Im not suffering migraines though... its going pretty good... Im managing not to over eat... although I did have a moment of weakness last night when I cut myself a really big piece of cake... thankfully my hubby noticed and gave me 'the look'... so needless to say... that guilted me into having a much more reasonable sized piece of cake :) Man, I really wish that I could just have total restraint sometimes... I hate feelin' weak and out of control... I guess that everyone does... weather its about food or some other thing that bothers them... we all like to feel like we can manage on our own... without others help... but what I should realize is that having others to help is actually a blessing and I should never take that for granted... I love my hubby even when I get 'the look' :)
Thanks to my sweet... lovable... annoying... hubby... I was really blessed when I got you :)

Noodle House...

Last night was amazing... Masha'Allah! My hubby took me out to dinner for iftar and we went to Noodle House... it was very good, masha'Allah! That place is really beautiful... I thoroughly enjoyed myself. Ramadan is going well, masha'Allah... I've been fighting with migraines though... not fun... its kinda difficult to get over a migraine while fasting... may Allah make it easier for me... ahmeen.

Another word for today...

Somniloquence...
I just found this word and I am happy to learn it... this does apply to me at times though :)
Som*nil*o*quence: n. The act of talking in one's sleep.

Word of the day...

Vehement...
This is an enthusiastic word...

Yeah...

Im hangin' in there... Im now at 930 on my ab-count :) I have been doing pretty well lately, masha'Allah. I haven't been eating too much. I have recently found other things to help me desire my goal... I feel alot better after working out... yeah, I always knew that would be the case... just don't really know why I didn't just stop being so stubborn and get to it before... hence the word stubborn... Okay, anyway, I have really decided that I want to be able to look good some things that I have never been able to wear before and for some reason... this desire seems to be the driving force in my current efforts... may Allah keep it strong and give me success... ahmeen :)

Amazing to be...

Well, things are... happy and nice, masha'Allah :)
Ramadaan is going very well, masha'Allah! I've been trying to not over-indulge after breaking the fast... tonight was a bit more challenging as we had some people over for iftar... but I figured I did okay... my belly is still sick though so pretty much every time I eat anything Im rushing to the bathroom pretty quickly... I hope to be feelin' better soon... I'm really enjoying my ab-roller thingy... Im getting closer to my goal of 3000... today I stand at 480... thats a good start... I feel a difference already... I can also see that my belly isn't sitting out as much as it used to, and its not as pillow-ee as it used to be... I really am anxious to see how I look after 3000... insha'Allah it will be amazing... 

Word of the day...

Luminostiy...
I just really like this word... I really just rolls off the tongue in a velvety swirl... don't you think... its a brilliant word...

Ramadaan at last...

I am very happy that it is Ramadaan... I've been really looking forward to this time... I have started exercising more now... finally :) I got an ab-roller thingy and that is amazing... I have a goal of like 3000 crunches or sit-ups... just a start... I'm already close to 200... It seems to be helping... I really hope so :) my eating is going to be strange this month but that is a really good thing... I just pray that I have some will-power when the Ramadaan sweet-tooth kicks in :) I really want to lose some weight before Eid... but Im a bit worried about the skirt I bought... its already loose... but I just gotta tell myself that I would much rather have to buy something new due to losing weight than to fully fit the darn thing... I want to be much healthier by then... we'll see... insha'Allah I will see some improvement...

been outa touch...

I can't believe it's actually be an entire month since my last post... I've been not really doing so well with my plan... actually... I'm not sure that any real plan even exist at this point. I've been sick lately so that explains my lack of shakes but even before that... when I was still having at least one shake per day I was still slipping too much... I know that I've been getting more and more depressed about my weight lately... I hope that I can get back on track when I get to feeling better... I've been only able to eat crackers and maybe a few other things for the last few days. I don't like feeling out of control... like I can't stop myself form indulging... I have an addiction to food and I don't know if it will ever cease to be an issue for me... every time I think that I have finally got it beat... usually that is when I mess up the most... must be mental??? I want to keep trying... keep fighting... I just pray that I can find the strength to continue when everything looks so desperately hopeless... I hate it when things cross my mind which only hinder my progress... things like...'can I really do it?' or 'it will never be over'... those are the things I fight to keep away from my mind... they only make it more difficult to find focus... I feel like every part of my life could be improved were I to lose this weight... so why is it so difficult to stay on track... knowing that everything will be better when its finally done? I often wonder at my own sanity... am I crazy... is something really and truly mentally wrong with me that I can't just get this over with once and for all??? Why is food such and issue??? I mean... its JUST FOOD... nothing haraam... or harmful or dangerous... JUST FOOD... why do I have to have a problem with something so silly... When will I grow up and get over this silliness??? Because it must be totally silly to have an addiction to something so silly as FOOD... I truly wish I had some of the answers to these questions... This is me starting over... my counter has been reset... the past... oh so many days have amounted to nothing... I must begin anew... yes... I know that is depressing... just imagine how it must feel to be me right now and have to admit that I totally messed up and haven't accomplished anything... yeah, I'm truly at an all time low I think... Well... I guess that should mean that the only place I have to go is up... right??? I truly do pray that is the case... I don't know how I could get any lower... may Allah protect me from that... ahmeen... Please... if there is anyone that stumbles upon this site and actually reads this... make dua'a for me... I truly need it...

Word of the day...

Sheepish...
We all feel a bit embarrassed at times don't we...

Gettin' there...

Well, yep... Im gettin' there insha'Allah... I feel more focused than I have been in ages... yesterday I kinda let myself have a 'last hoo-rah' so to say and I ordered from Hardees for dinner... It was good and that was what I needed to move past my dumpy ways... I am continuing my liquids until I see a bit of a change in my appetite, insha'Allah. I have begun exercising more now... I've included jumping jacks (what I call 'double jacks' actually) and some sit-ups... which hubby helps with... I will be better at that when my tummy muscles get stronger... insha'Allah that will be sooner rather than later. I use my bike consistently every other day now... thats a huge improvement. I've still go a long way to go so I better get goin'... :)

Word of the day...

Love...
Yeah, I know this is really a simple word that everyone know... that doesn't change its importance... Just think about it... the reason that everyone knows it so well is because of its importance. But what brought it to my mind today is that I was thinking about my Mama... and I just wanted to express my love for her...

Day one-sixty-one...

Well, I've been feelin' like I really need a change... So... today I'm only having liquids... I might try to do this for a while and kinda get myself cleaned up a bit... I've been okay so far... I could use a break from my usual way of eating... The last time I did this I really was able to shrink my appetite and that is amazingly helpful for losing weight. I hope that this will make me feel better and look better too. Ramadan is coming up and that means that I will be having to find clothes for Eid soon and that is a very scary prospect right now. Last year I was miserable when I couldn't find anything that I liked because 'big' clothes cost more and were only in a few stores... I've gotta get away from using those stores all together, insha'Allah. I really want to be able to shop anywhere I want and find nice clothes... thats my goal :) Okay... off to liquefy my life :)

Wishin' and hopin' and thinkin' and prayin'...

Yeah, I've been doin' alot of dreamin' today... I actually fell asleep in class... that was really bad! I didn't participate at all in the lecture... I don't think that the teacher noticed though... good for me :) 
Well, I did good yesterday with my eating... even when I went out to dinner with my hubby I didn't eat much... I was pretty much starvin' this morning though... but I still didn't overdo it, masha'Allah. I had some grits (that is a real big treat on this side of the world) and I fixed some eggs with cheese and some meat too... but the grits filled me up. That isn't a bad thing in my book... I hope to keep up the good work and see some results soon... I've gotta go now... class is starting... insha'Allah I will post again later :)

Word of the day...

Disoriented...
This is pretty much how I live most of my days... gotta work on that huh???

Word of the day...

Obsequious...
I like this word... I should try to include it into my normal vocabulary...  one of its meanings is to be obedient or dutiful... 

Day one-fifty-six...

Well, things have been going ok lately... I could be doing much better than I have been though. I have still been having the same struggles with my will power. I am pleased that the last few nights I have resisted the urge to nibble at night. I actually kinda trapped myself in my room and forced myself not to even go to the kitchen for something to drink... out of fear of nibbling. I did have some of the 'evil doughnuts' that sprouted up around here due to the sweet craving for the kids... I limited myself to only three... well, truthfully more like five if you include the ones that I grabbed while cooking breakfast the other day... so yeah... five not three :( I've been drinking shakes alot lately and hoping to see some results... the truth of the matter is that I need more exercise at this point... yeah... its finally time for me to just suck it up and get on the bike... blaaaahhhh... oh well, thats the only way I'm gonna get this weight off once and for all... I hope to see some results soon :)

Nibbles...

Yes, thats right... I've been battling with the nibbles most of my life and today certainly hasn't been any exception! I am frustrated when I nibble too much! I hate that about myself. I have gotta cut that stuff out. I was just fixing lunch and started nibbling while I was in the kitchen and by the time I sat down to eat with my plate of food I wasn't hungry anymore... crazy me! I wanted to make a shake for lunch, as usual, but my crazy kids had a different idea when they gorged themselves on all of the ice in the freezer.....ahhhhhhhgggghhhhh! So, I ended up nibbling my way into a yucky feeling tummy... ah, when will I ever learn??? Seems like I would know how to handle this by now... guess Im still learning....

Word of the day...

Inconsequential...
this a fancy way to say trivial... I like it ;)

Day one-forty-nine...

I've been doing good, Masha'Allah! I have been drinking my shakes for breakfast and lunch everyday and having a nice dinner each evening. I have been trying to pay attention to my portions and try to manage them. It hasn't been exactly easy... Ive been struggling with a huge urge to snack and mostly with the desire for sweets. Thankfully, we haven't had too many things around to munch on lately. But, Haylah did make a cake that I was pleased that I was able to resist. I allowed myself a tiny( and I actually mean tiny) piece of that. I was pleased because when I decided to have some cake, there was only one slice left. It was a normal sized slice that I would have gladly eaten before. I resisted the maddening urge to indulge and cut a small sliver off and ate that instead of the larger piece. I found that if I add extra ice to my shakes while they are in the blender then it comes out kinda like ice cream and that really help with my extreme sweet tooth :) I have been pretty hungry at times and I have tried to curb it in healthier ways like an apple or maybe just an egg. I will do better though, insha'Allah... I am gonna do this right, insha'Allah! May Allah make it easier on me... ahmeen.

Day one-forty-five...

Well, things seem to be a bit better than they were the last time I posted. I have made some changes with my efforts. I am trying harder to resist all things tempting. Im getting there... I really was way off track before and its taking alot out of me to get it back together. Its alot harder this time around. I know its all worth it though and I pray that I will be rewarded for my turmoil over this situation. Insha'Allah I will get there... I pray that someday I will actually be able to say I am where I want to be... that would be a fantastic day, indeed... hmmm, what a dream... insha'Allah it will become a reality!

Word of the day...

Ambivalent...
This is to be torn between two different feelings about something or someone... I like this word... its interesting to me... don't know why though. I've heard it used before but today was the first time I actually was interested enough to look it up... interesting.

Day one-forty...

Well... although my word of the day was encouraging... I feel anything but encouraged today. I believe this is possibly my lowest point since I began this journey. I feel like I've accomplished nothing and that I'm simply failing with everything. Nothing could really explain how I'm feeling right now apart from pathetic and miserable. Ive been doing this for 140 days now only to find that I haven't actually accomplished much. I don't really know when I lost sight of progress... its really too depressing to investigate it. I struggle daily with temptations and have realized that although I once thought I was past being distracted by such things that now I often fall into indulgences. I hate this about myself! I feel like I'm not normal... why is it so hard just to leave food alone??? And to make it just that much worse... I have to look at the faces of others who are undoubtedly thinking I'm fat and not even trying... which brings up another thorn of self deprecation... have I totally lost sight of my goals??? I don't know... but I do know that I need to evaluate my efforts and adjust them accordingly... I just wish I had the ability to see past this feeling... on to something better and brighter... I pray that tomorrow will bring about better feelings... I must persevere beyond this momentary slip from my course. Insha'Allah tomorrow will be better and I will be blessed with a clearer picture of how to salvage this ruined effort and replace its feelings with those of true alacrity...

Word of the day...

Alacrity...
Here's a new word that I just discovered... its great!!! I means eagerness or zeal... very nice, masha'Allah.

Word of the day...

Contrivance...
This is a word that I just came across which I had to look up... its interesting... it means to plan or scheme... interesting huh???

Day one-thirty-seven...

Things are looking pretty good these days... well... after my horrid moody weekend that is... yeah, I don't really know why but I was really, really, really moody this weekend. I'm not exaggerating either... I was more moody the last few days than I have been in ages... crazy. Well, I'm glad that seems to be behind me now and Im somewhat back to normal :) Yes, my usual bubbly self :) I have been struggling with my shakes lately... due to being out of milk and my hubby forgetting to get it from the store... well, I will do better when I'm able to have it twice a day again... insha'Allah tomorrow :) Well, other than that I am doing pretty good... if you don't count the unendurable sweet craving that seems to be ripping through my willpower with extreme force... yeah... I could always do better... one day at a time... insha'Allah tomorrow will be better :)

Day one-thirty-three...

I've been doing pretty well with my eating this week. I enjoyed my weekend though and I was happy to get back on track as soon as it was over and done with. I went to a nice place Friday night with my hubby for dinner and we had a lovely evening... as usual when we go out :) Masha'Allah :) Then Saturday he dropped me and my oldest girl off at the mall where we shopped and ate lunch together. It was really nice to have some girl time with her... she is growing into a woman so fast these days... I know that my days with her are numbered... before too long she will be entering into adulthood and getting married and starting her own family... well not too soon but it feels like it will be too soon. Its very nice to be out with her though... she is really interesting to spend time with... no longer like a child, shes maturing alot now. 
Well, my burn is still healing and to my chagrin, it actually hurts still :( nothing unbearable though. I don't know when my skin will look normal again... it seems kinda like it may never be the same... I dunno? insha'Allah it will heal and all signs of it will disappear. For now I've gotta keep it bandaged and dry... it will get better soon insha'Allah.
Well, I started my classes online for Arabic and I am busier than ever these days. This is a welcome thing for me. I enjoy myself when I have plenty to keep busy with. I've been focusing on my studies and reading whenever I find a free moment... this is good for me.
I hope to post more often, but, it seems that Im hardly ever on my computer for leisure anymore. Still, Ill make time :) insha'Allah...

Word of the day...

Tolerable...
The discomfort is tolerable :) Alhamdulillah :)

Day one-twenty-three...

Well, I've been a bit down this week... I don't really know why... I have been trying to get my eating back under control. I started having shakes twice a day now... hoping for more results. I feel alot better when I'm having them twice too. Im exhausted right now! I haven't been sleeping too well. Im not really sure if tonight will be any better... its after one a.m. now and I'm still up... although I am actually tired. I don't know how I will sleep, considering that I got a minor burn on my leg today. Its nothing major... masha'Allah... but it still hurts :( I took some Ibuprofen earlier and that seemed to help with my discomfort. Still, the leg that got burned is on my left leg and that is the leg that is usually under the cover when I sleep... Im not sure how Im gonna get comfy tonight :( I was in the bathroom and for some reason boiling hot water came through the istinga hose and it burst... burning my leg before I was able to jump up and stumble into the tub. I was truly frightened... Alhamdulillah... I am truly thankful it was so minor... it truly could have been much worse... Im horribly afraid of the bathrooms now... thats the second time that Ive burned myself although this time is much worse. Now we've gotta get a new hose and the pipe needs to be fixed too... ahhh... Ive gotta share a bathroom with my craze kids for a bit... thats never fun :( Well, at least it wasn't major :)

Word of the day...

Incredulity...
This is what I must resist feeling...

Day one-sixteen...

I've gotta get back to updating this blog daily... anyway, the last few days have been pretty good. Yesterday I had shakes all day long in preparation for my evening meal and that went pretty good, masha'Allah. I did eat a bit more than I should have but it was because we had company and they brought delicious food. Still, my will-power is lacking a bit :( Today has started out pretty good but its still early. May Allah bless  me with will-power... ahmeen. I feel huge actually. I think I'm just bloated or something but its getting on my nerves and I am eager for it to go down. I've been drinking crazy amounts of water trying to flush out my system but its not really working. I feel better in the mornings though. I'm okay now but I know that later I might feel huge again. I know that I need to kick it up a notch and then maybe even my bloatings wont seem too bad... hmmm thats a thought :)

Day one-twelve...

This has been a very trying week... as for my diet that is. :( Im having a bit of trouble with my will power at the moment. I really want to get on track but its just so difficult. I don't know why that is exactly. I feel so depressed about it too. I know that Ive gotta just chalk up the last few days and start over but its harder than it should be. Im no good with temptations right now thats for sure. I really wish that I were not like this. I would love to never have to deal with this embarrassing side of myself... the side of me that is addicted to something that I must have to survive. I've gotta push through this. I've come so far now to let this little (although to me it seems huge) bump in the path mess me up. I've gotta get it together!!! I need more patience with my cravings and more self-control. I will get it together insha'Allah... I know that I am important enough to get through this and accomplish great things in this life, insha'Allah. I will keep moving my feet in the right direction and I won't worry about my mis-steps of the past. Insha'Allah I will get where I need to be, insha'Allah...
 

Word of the day...

Vociferous...
Yep... thats how it is with a house full of crazy kids...

Day one-oh-eight...

Well, today has been really great as far as my plan is concerned. I had a shake for breakfast and dinner and I ate a nice lunch. I am pleased with my will power today. I am praying that I can last though... my darlin' hubby brought home a pack of those...horrible... yummy... delicious... evil... Oreos... I'm not sure how to resist... Ive gotta give it alot of effort though. Its so hard not to nibble... especially since I plan on curling up with a book to enjoy my evening... when my extremely LOUD girls finally go to bed. I like to nibble while I read... well... I'll see if I can resist...

Word of the day...

Starstruck...
This is the only word to describe my experience today when we were out and I caught a glimpse of a Porsche Panamera (4 door Porsche)...sleek... gorgeous... Then I saw a canary yellow Chevy Camero with black racing stripes... just like Bumble Bee in Transformers the Movie... man... that was some breathtaking muscle for a car... and of course don't forget the other blood red Camero I say... sweet. Oh yeah, I have to mention the sexy red Ferrari that was smoothly parked in the parking deck when we went to the movies last week...Definitely... starstruck :)

Day one-oh-six...

Alhamdulillah, I am feeling a bit better today :) I still have a headache but its endurable. I got out of the house today... I rode along with my darlin' hubby while he ran a few errands.  Nothing spectacular, but still nice. My eating has been kinda crazy. I'm trying to lower my portion sizes which seems to be difficult these days... I'm not over doing it too much in the food dept. but I keep skipping snacks and sometimes meals... I've gotta get it under control in order to progress. I'm a bit upset with myself... I have been having so much trouble with craving more food lately. I don't know why but I just have trouble clearing my head of it. I know that this is one of my major issues that I've been fighting since day one and I am saddened by the fact that it is still an issue after 106 days. But then again, 106 days is a huge accomplishment and I am pleased to have made it this far and I can't complain about that at all, masha'Allah... may Allah give me many more days to improve and much success in doing it... ahmeen. I know that one day I'm gonna have to suck it up and actually do the exercise that I have been avoiding. Im so hardheaded!!! Ive really gotta get over my aversion to working out. I know that when I get going that it will be worth it. I don't know... I might start that soon...

Word of the day...

Bewildered...
This is exactly how I feel sometimes... totally confused :)

A rough patch...

I have spent the last six days dealing with a bit of a stomach virus of such... I had migraines too... not the most pleasant time for me. I'm feelin' better now, masha'Allah, still... my diet has been suffering. I have been skipping meals and eating too some that are too big... as I would feel overly hungry when I did feel hungry... I hope that I didn't mess up too much. Im pleased with things though... Ive been drinking lots of water... that really has helped alot with helping me to recover from this stomach thing... man... stomach aches are not pretty... I was a total hermit most of this week... a couple of days I think I only left my room maybe twice... Thankfully I have help with my kids... that truly is a blessing and may Allah bless Haylah with all that is good in this life and the hereafter too... ahmeen. Well, I hope to be back on track tomorrow... I am hoping to get back into my plan... I've been slippin' and I don't want for that to become a habit... gotta find my will-power... I know its there somewhere ;)

Word of the day...

Apprehensive...
I don't know... this just seems to be me today...

Day ninety-eight...

Everything has been going okay with my eating but still... I'm feeling a bit 'dumpy' today :( Ive been busy reading alot... thats a good thing but still... I'm down a bit. hmmm... insha'Allah tomorrow will be better :) Im happy to have made it this far... guess I should say a wimpy little 'yay me' :)

Day ninety-six...

Today has been pretty good, although I did somethings that were pretty crazy... I ate a piece of cake that had been sitting out and I thought it was okay and got sick... after a horrible belly ache... which I drank tons of water to flush my system... I did start to feel better. I messed up again when I was enjoying my quiet time so much that I actually forgot to eat lunch :) I ended up feeling weak and sickly by the time our book club was meeting. I ate some falafel (which was amazing) and some other snacks... that helped a bit, although I ate like five or six pieces of falafel though :) I went out with my sweet, darlin' hubby and we had a wonderful evening :) We didn't eat at a fancy restaurant, instead we grabbed a kefta sandwhich from at-Tazaj and went to see IronMan2 at the theater... which was a totally awesome movie!!! I like it much better than the first one... if I do say so myself :) All in all... it was a fantastic day and I have really enjoyed all of it! My house is still quiet as my sweet babies are all still at their grandparents until tomorrow :) Insha'Allah, I plan on reading and enjoying the rest of this wonderful night that Allah has truly blessed me with :)
Oh yeah... I can't believe I have already made it 96 days... that is unbelievable!!! I truly pray that Allah gives me much success in this and allows me to continue until I reach another 96 days and much, much more... ahmeen.

Word of the day...

Serene...
this word totally describes how it feels to be in an empty house... ahhhh ;)

Shhhh....enjoy the quiet...

I seem to have been doing pretty well the past few days. I'm not having as many cravings as I once was... that is a blessing. I like having shakes though... they seem to help curb my sweet tooth a bit. In the past I always tried to cut out sweets entirely and that always worked for a while... until my body got to the point where it demanded it and then it was always hard to stop. I could manage to control it for a bit but after a month or so I would binge... Not the best thing when it comes to losing weight... of course ;) I have been trying to limit my carbs a bit more lately though. I don't wanna overdo that... when I get too 'carb happy' my body gets sick... funny huh? I never seemed to see how bad they were for me until now... guess that just supports my theory that I'm getting older... just a theory :) All in all... I'm happier now than I have ever been with myself... its not complete yet but insha'Allah that will come. Today is a good day and I am looking forward to going out to dinner with my hubby. I've been good lately with my eating so I am thrilled to feel that I really have earned this night. I will update later with the details, insha'Allah... I'm off to enjoy the peace and quiet that my house holds. My kids are spending the weekend with their grandparents... amazingly wonderful... yeah, I kinda miss the little crazies... but... not... that... much :)

Word of the day...

Exhilaration...
I really like this word... It seems to give me a boost of confidence and energy... nice huh?

Day ninety-four...

Well, I'm feeling pretty happy about my progress today... my mom sent me a box of stuff and that was great, masha'Allah. She had tucked into a book my senior class photo and I was sooo shocked when I saw it. I had always thought of that time and... in my mind... I seemed to think I was much smaller then... maybe because I know I gained some before I got married... Well, much to my amazement... when I saw the pic I was shocked to see that I was sooo big then. It hit me like a ton of bricks... I couldn't believe that I was that big then... yet I was soooo happy that my face is sooo much smaller than that photo... this made me feel happy. I was pleasantly surprised... so to say :) That really gives me more confidence... just think I was just talking about my lack of confidence and then Allah, the Most Merciful, sends me confidence from a source that I never would have imagined... Alhmadulillahi Rabbil Alameen!!!

Yay... I gotta box from my Mama :)

This is my first time ever uploading a video on youtube so don't laugh... We did have fun though on our adventure to the post office... enjoy... sorry about my horrible camera skills... like I said... first video :)
 

Triumph...

I did it!!! Tonight I resisted the urge to nibble... this is a great accomplishment for me. Lately it's been so difficult for me to resist any type of food related urge. I am thrilled at this small, but significant, triumph. I drank a huge bottle of water instead of nibbling. This feels good... this is how I used to be able to curb my desires to indulge. Twice today I was able to redirect my cravings to drinking more water... This is good for me, masha'Allah. So, today has ended on a really good vibe... and of this I am immensely thankful :)

I wonder...

Sometimes I just sit and think and wonder how I will be when I finally get all this weight off... will I ever feel confident?? When will I decide I look the way I want, or will I always be plagued with thoughts of not being beautiful enough??? Baggage from media and all that garb is difficult to ignore. I know realistically that it isn't realistic to look to that stuff as a goal... its unobtainable... still... I'm just too insecure with myself. I would love to leave it all behind and feel confident and be pleased with myself... I dream of that day actually... it would feel awesome... of that I'm sure ;) I pray that I get there... I'm seeing results... today, I was digging into my stack of clean clothes tying to find something to wear... as all of my favorites were in the machine to be washed... I pulled out a dress I hadn't worn in ages... and as I remembered it was always tight, so I tossed it aside in hopes of finding anything else to put on... Well, I didn't find anything else and smirked at the dress and told myself I would have to wear it just until I finished washing my clothes... I was shocked when I slid the dress over my head and it dropped past my belly without getting hung up on anything... It is really loose... Amazement!!! Even when I was on atkins this dress didn't fit this way... That really is something... I know that this should make me feel wonderful... but I still feel soooo fat... I don't know why... but I still feel like I'm no where near done... although I'm not sure if my darlin' hubby has ever seen me this small... yes... I am praying for acceptance and satisfaction with my body... Insha'Allah the day WILL come when I look into the mirror and know that I'm where I want to be... I have gotta find the confidence to get there, insha'Allah...

Day ninety-two...

Today has been much better than the last week as far as my control is concerned... Alhamdulillah, I am very thankful for that. I did well yesterday also, I was a bit sick though. My belly has really been hurting lately. Yesterday, I had my shake for breakfast but it really made my belly hurt... so today, I tried somethings a bit differently. I had food... not shake... for breakfast, in hopes of not upsetting my tummy... it was a bit better but still, even after eating a nice breakfast... my belly still ached... I dunno... probably just a bug of some type... I can't complain... anything that makes me eat less or helps to curb my cravings is a blessing :) Well, I hope to finish my day well... I'll update soon, insha'Allah...

Word of the day...

Prerequisite...
I like this word... I used it just this morning with my daughter... she is learning words from my 'word of the day' updates :) Its a good thing... I hope :)

ENOUGH!!!

I've officially had enough of my overindulges... as I sit here... in my comfy chair after yet again disappointing myself again... I am completely exhausted from being this way and giving in too much. I will have better control... I can do this... I've done it before and I'm not gonna let myself mess everything up! NO MORE... I'm done... I will be in control!!! May Allah, the Most High, bless me with willpower and success... ahmeen.

Word of the day...

Keen...
This is my word today only because I simply can't avoid it... I'm reading this book and for some reason they use this word a ridiculous amount of times... its actually driving me crazy... then I made the mistake of telling my hubby about my annoyance at the over-usage and he persists in annoying me further by sneaking it into general conversation... you might say that he is KEEN to annoy me... ha ha ha!!!

Day ninety...

Wow!!! I can't believe I've actually been at this for ninety days!!! That is truly a blessing from Allah... I am not usually the one with long lasting drive for things. This thing is really fun though... I'm enjoying myself while trying to make sense of my crazy cravings and desire to get thin. I appreciate anyone that reads this and I hope that somehow you are finding some benefit from my ramblings... I have been doing better today, although I did nibble a bit while I was in the kitchen cooking breakfast and lunch for my kiddos... doughnuts should not be bite sized... its maddening!!! Anyway... I am eagerly looking forward to when the kids finally finish off the 'demon cakes' and my home is free of the things once and for all!!! Although... that doesn't mean that Haylah won't make more... ahhh when will it end??? Anyway... okay... I'm sane again... insha'Allah :) Well, I'm off...

Word of the day...

Superfluous...
I love this word... maybe a bit too much???

Day eighty-nine...

Well, I've been slipping a bit :( Doughnuts are evil!!! Anyway, I'm doing okay other than the sudden desire to eat all the home-made doughnuts in the world... In fact... for some crazy reason, I'm actually eating one now... gotta get it together!!! My shakes have been going well, but the past week has been... well... ehh, to say the least. I'm trying to get it going in the right direction though... with the exception of this last... well... you know what :) I will update later though... insha'Allah I will be through my extreme doughnut craze...

Day eighty-five...

Today has been okay, but a bit out of whack... we were out of milk this morning so I skipped my morning shake and had a breakfast that was a bit too carb heavy. I had my shake for lunch... as my darlin' hubby got milk :) I just enjoyed a really yummy dinner and I'm feelin' pretty good... but... Haylah made the most delicious home-made doughnuts and... yep... you guessed it... I had some... they are addictive too!!! I've gotta have better control of myself around them. I know that they won't actually last too long in this house of 10 people but still, I've gotta resist!!! They were good though ;) Well, insha'Allah tomorrow will be much better... I'll keep you updated...

Word of the day...

Frenzy...
I've heard this used too many times today... even by me a few times... its gotta be my word of the day today :)
I really like this word though... I dunno why though :)

Word of the day...

Nostalgia...
I've just been thinking...

Day eighty-two...

Wow... I'm sorry for missing too many days of posting. I've been busy lately... still, mostly just lazy I guess :) Things have been going really well with my diet... Alhamdulillah, I've been keeping up with things nicely. I've been drinking my shakes and eating my meals... I need more water and I'm getting a bit worried that my portions are becoming bigger than I should be having... gotta get that back under control, insha'Allah. I feel like I'm doing good but I don't want to get comfortable with that. I am amazed that I have been keeping up with this so long... this is totally against the way I usually do things... I really want to continue and actually get all of this weight off this time. I want for this to be the final effort... the constant one that gets me to the desired result... Yeah, I know that I will need to continue even after I get to my goal size but thats something that I'm anticipating. I am trying to change my entire way of thinking so that when I get smaller I will actually think smaller too :) I haven't been slipping up lately, apart from the portion concerns (although that is a minor concern that isn't out of control and I will get back in order insha'Allah). I am pleased and I pray that I will see more results... I just wish that my belly would disappear!!! Yeah, I know... dream... dream.... dream.....

Well, today has been going okay, I guess, if you exclude the fact that I was ravenous at lunch time and had my snack at the same time as my shake... I feel guilty about that... still, I think I've made up for it now though, insha'Allah. I'm a bit nervous because I was planning on going out this weekend to visit some friends and I want to look my best. I was contemplating an all liquid diet for the next few days but thats not gonna do anything but make me snarky. I just gotta stick to my plan though. I've been having more difficulty lately keeping on track with lunch time. I don't know why, but in the middle of the day Im sooo hungry. I think its because I don't have my snacks regularly... gotta fix that, insha'Allah. Or it could be the fact that when I do snack its just on protein stuff like eggs or meat or something like that so I'm mostly eating protein. Maybe I need a few more carbs... Today I went into a deep sleep after lunch and slept for hours... I was late cooking dinner even. I was shocked! I think that I must have over done it somehow... although I really didn't have too much... Just a small amount of this dish that Haylah fixed with hotdogs and meat with onions and tomatoes and I had a small amount of green salad with it... I waited about thirty minutes then I had a shake. Maybe it was just my lack of sleep at night catching up on me... But, maybe it was the fact that I was soooo hungry before I ate that when my body got what it needed it knocked me out... either way... its not good to eat like that... I've gotta get it together... Insha'Allah tomorrow will be easier...

Word of the day...

Snarky...
I just heard this one and its funny... I really like it and plan on using it often... 
'Don't be snarky!' ha, see :)

Day seventy-eight...

I can't believe it!!! 78 days into this adventure! I am pleased with my progress and I know that, at times, I have faltered but I am satisfied with the fact that I am still going strong. Nothing is perfect... except Allah... so I know I will falter at times... I've done well the past two days though... that is after my carb binge over the weekend... Its good to be back on track. I painted my livingroom and that was an amazing thing for me... I loved doing it and can't wait to finish up the whole house :) well, I'm great today and thats enough for now :)

Word of the day...

Sabotage...
This is when people send me delicious sweets, red velvet cake and too much temptation... knowing I'm weak on will power... hmmm.... it was good though :)

Frustration...

Well, I'm a bit frustrated at the fact that I started my day kinda stupid... I was so busy this morning that I didn't end up drinking my breakfast shake until lunch time... that means that stupid me skipped yet another meal. I wanted to have another shake for lunch but was forced to have a bland lunch meal due to the fact that my crazy kids raided the ice trays and so... no ice to make my shake :( I will have it later though, insha'Allah. Im feelin' pretty moody today though. I got way to upset about no ice... insha'Allah I will be feelin' better later. I'm planning on some 'me' time tonight after the kids go to bed... insha'Allah! I need some time to myself. My son is feeling better now and I am pleased not to be tied to such a strict schedule. I will feel better after tonight, insha'Allah...

Word of the day...

Resume...
Yep... thats what I gotta do...

And along came a kit-kat...

so... I'm sure that you know already... I messed up a bit today... Kit-kats should be banned!!! They are too yummy!!! I did have a kit-kat... I will make up for it though, insha'Allah! Also, to make matters even worse... I skipped lunch. I know, I'm not supposed to do that but, I'm an idiot!!! Well, insha'Allah I didn't do too much damage, although, the real thing I'm worried about is the fact that I have a freakin' huge bag of kit-kat minis in my drawer that someone gave me... aaahhhhhhhhh!!!!! I MUST HAVE CONTROL!!!!! I'll update...

Word of the day...

Flabbergasted...
This is a great word for today... this is exactly how I feel to have made it this far!!! Yay me :)

Day seventy-three...

Wow, I am completely amazed to have made it this far... I need to improve in a few ways but all in all... I'm pleased with how things are going. I need to drink more water and get into more exercise... I've been a bit lazy lately and I know that I would lose more with exercise... but I hate it ;) I have been feeling much better about myself these days... I really just wish that I had a better self-esteem though, its hard always being so self-conscious. I often wonder if I will ever be content with the way I look. I've been big for too many years. I actually used worry about how I would look after losing the weight. I don't know why, but I always had some kind of  skepticism that made me think I wasn't gonna look good or something. My hubby keeps reminding me that he's never seen anyone that lost weight that looks worse after. I am seeing good things though and I am starting to get over that. I just wish I had actually done this years ago, when I was younger... I feel like I wasted my best years with being overweight. I could have been much prettier had I done this years ago... Oh well, whats done is done and I can't complain... better late than never, right? I will keep my focus and insah'Allah I will be amazed...

Word of the day...

Euphoric...
ummm... happy, happy, me :)

Day seventy-one...

Today has been different. I'm having a bit of trouble dealing with my urges to nibble but all in all, ok. I haven't indulged and I don't plan to. I had my shake for breakfast and a nice lunch. I know that I need my snacks, I don't know why I haven't been having those regularly but I haven't. I'm sure this is related to my nibbling desires. I'm really feeling different these days... like I'm getting thinner... This makes me so happy... I'm actually doing it... from thick to thin ;) Alhamdulillah, I can't get lazy though... Oh, I found my dimple :) I have a dimple only on one side of my face... I haven't seen it in ages... actually I have been overweight for so long that I kinda forgot it was there. It wasn't visible until now. This means I am on the right track. I love seeing it again. Makes me feel prettier... oh well, I'm gettin' there.

Alhamdulillah! Today was great, I enjoyed my shakes and I am really noticing my belly finally going down!!! This is something that I have really been waiting for! I know that I still have a long road ahead of me but I am just so pleased to be seeing results... to me its amazing! So long I have felt like I would never change. I had pretty much given up hope... well, this is the final thing and you know what... I am confident that this is exactly what I needed. I needed to focus on each day and not to look beyond that. Yeah, I have a goal weight in mind but I am looking at each accomplishment and trying to live day by day struggling to make each moment an accomplishment. Yeah, I falter at times... but I succeed too :) I am happy today :) Masha'Allah! Truly, all praise and thanks belong only to Allah alone.

Word of the day...

Subtle...
hmmm... this word is quiet and sneaky... :)

Day sixty-nine...

Well, today is going great... I had a shake for breakfast and I let myself have french fries, and some other stuff for lunch... yum, yum! I plan on having another shake for dinner, insha'Allah. Last night was great, masha'Allah. Hubby and I went out to Fudruckers...YUMMY!!! I got the chicken tenders platter and man, they served me enough food to feed all 7 of my kids... It was really yummy though ;) I didn't eat it all... it was just too much! I enjoyed my unsweetened ice tea... took me back to my southern roots :) I can't believe that its been so long... I'm really seeing improvements and that is fantastic!!! Gotta keep it goin' though, insha'Allah... Thanks to anyone that actually reads this... 
 

Word of the day...

Reflective...
hmmm.... lets ponder this... :)

Day sixty-seven...

Today has been much better than the past few, masha'Allah. My son is getting better, although I am constantly having to remind him that he shouldn't be running around like a crazy kid when he has pneumonia... I too am feeling much better today. I've been feelin' pretty zombie like the last few days and I am very pleased that today I feel a little life zinging in my system. My eating has been fantastic... It's pretty easy for me to follow my plan at this point... that better not make me lazy though! I've always gotta keep guard so that doesn't happen, insha'Allah. Right now I'm sipping a vanilla slim fast shake. I added some instant coffee while blending it this time... yum, yum, its mocha flavored now :) Just one of the ways that I switch things up sometimes. It is my latest thing, I guess. I don't know if I will have my meal at lunch or dinner. Maybe lunch... I like having a shake for dinner... seems like it digests better. Well, I'm off... I'll try to update more often... I've been a lazy bum... gotta fix that, insha'Allah :)

Word of the day...

Incredulous...
This is a new word for me... I like its meaning though... enjoy!

Day sixty-five...

Yuck!!! Thats how I feel today in a nutshell! I'm just feelin' pretty yucky!!! All is going well though with my plan, thats good, masha'Allah. Still, I pray that tomorrow I will be feelin' much better, insha'Allah. I just want to sleep and be a total lazy bum today... I guess I'll have to update later and let ya know how that goes...

A long hard night...

Well, I was up most of the night. That usually doesn't bother me though, I'm a night owl. However, after my tiring trip to the emergency room yesterday, I was exhausted. Still, I had to make sure that I didn't over sleep and miss the time for my sons treatment. So, I stayed up. It worked, but I over slept for the one after that:-( Oh well, no one is perfect, certainly not me. My plan is going good so far today. Last night I only had two pieces, not to bad, insha'Allah.

Word of the day...

Repentance...
This is really a blessing! And may Allah forgive me of all my sins and bless me each day to come...

Pizza, pizza...

Alhamdulillah, my son is ok, but he has an infection in his chest. We got antibiotics and more. It's late so pizza is on the menu for dinner:) good thing I've been good today:)

Out of breath...

Well, I am at the emergency room with my son, who is having asthma problems. Alhamdulillah, he is fine now. He is just having a few breathing treatments. He's happy though. He likes to sit in the bed, with his super hero mask (the oxygen mask) and watch cartoons. I have been doing really well today with my plan. I've already had two shakes. I did something that was so fun! I painted a room in the house, just on a whim. It felt amazing! Well, I better get back to my sick baby boy.

Word of the day...

Defenestrate...
I just learned this word today and I really like it... It means to throw something out of a window... sooooo funny!!! I've gotta find ways to use this, my kids will like it too, insha'Allah.

Day sixty-three...

The past two days have been amazingly great as far as my plan is concerned. I am very pleased with how things have been going, masha'Allah. I switched to having my meal earlier in the day so that I can let the last meal be a shake. I think this is good because the shakes fill me up and therefore, help prevent my night nibbles. Also, It's more difficult for my body to digest a meal late than a shake. I have seen an immediate improvement with my self-control and with the way my clothes are fitting. Today I was craving eggs with cheese and hot-dogs(we use that instead of sausage). I had this for breakfast and I was very happy with that. I had my shake for lunch and a shake later too. I did have a couple of snacks that were nice, masha'Allah, including fruit. I need more water today though. Insha'Allah, tomorrow will be a better day... Well, I'm off...

Word of the day...

Vicarious...
This is still on of my favorite words... I learned it in high school and it still holds my attention...

The end of fried chicken...

Day 61...Wow! I'm feelin' great to have lasted this far... Thats like years for someone like me that is a 'start stopper' by nature. I can only thank Allah, the Most Merciful, for this. I have been drinking shakes two times a day and having one real meal at dinner time. The problem is that I have become addicted to frying chicken for dinner. I've gotta break away from this and get back on my healthier meals. Even though I don't overeat, its still too much oil. Well, today my belly is actually hurting from the fried chicken I had last night. I think my diet has induced an unusual craving for the stuff. I've gotta resist though. Im sure that it will not be good for my progress. I hope to be able to resist the urge to fry it tonight, insha'Allah. Funny though... I've never wanted fried chicken so much in my life...funny. Diets can really mess with your mind sometimes. I've gotta go healthy again. I WILL BE STRONG!!! insha'Allah :)
well, thats all for now... still hangin' in there... thats somethin' to be pleased with...

Word of the day...

Queasy...
Yeah, just read the next post and you'll know exactly why this is my choice today.

Day fifty-eight...

Well, today started out pretty normal... I had my shake for breakfast and then I was planning on having a meal for lunch since a friend cooked some fish for us. I was soooo hungry and had a snack about 2 hours before lunch was to be served. When the food arrived I was very hungry, even after having had my snack earlier. I fixed a plate, cautiously since the smell of the fish seemed to be sending my tummy into a whirl wind. I sat down to eat and realized very shortly after my first few bites that the nausea in my tummy wasn't gonna subside. I couldn't eat the fish. Just a side note here... I'm not a huge fish eater anyway so this isn't exactly the first time I've turned down this type of food. So, I ended up having another shake instead. I then had chicken and rice for dinner, although I think I would have been completely satisfied with another shake... that would have been bad though... I've gotta have a real meal at least once a day...right??? Well, I'm feelin' much better now... Alhamdulillah! I am enjoying an ice cold diet pepsi right now and that is exactly what I needed. I'm still loading up on water though so don't fret about that. I'm being a pretty good little lady lately... still I need to increase my exercise... more like include :) Okay, gotta go now... till tomorrow... stay strong and remember that Allah can do anything, even change the way I think of food... :)

Word of the day...

Endure...
This word carries a great meaning. Something to ponder...

Day fifty-seven...

Exhaustion... this has been the main feeling throughout today. I did well with my plan, alhamdulillah. I had a shake for breakfast and lunch with a light snack although I did fall into having a small amount of chips... something in which I usually don't even crave. Still, with that slip I don't think it did too much damage. I had a yummy milkshake after dinner... the real deal... not slim fast. It was a yummy dreamy treat. I drank that then promptly fell out in the sofa chair. Funny huh?

Word of the day...

Fantastical...
I heard this word used recently and I just liked the sound of it... nice huh?

Day fifty-six...

Today was pretty good, masha'Allah. I did well with my plan and thats good. I had a shake for breakfast and lunch. I had a small piece of fish (left overs) with a slice of cheese on top for a snack. Haylah made some Moroccan bread and I had that for another snack. I had a nice dinner too. I probably should have eaten less at dinner time though. Still, I'm pleased with my day. Alhamdulillah! I also managed to drink lots of water... always a plus. I pray that tomorrow will be better and that I see more results soon.

Bye, bye day fifty-five...

I'm pleased with how today has turned out. My sister-in-law is visiting and she and I cooked dinner together. It was very yummy, masha'Allah. We made chicken and rice with eggplant, cauliflower and onions. She also fried fish. Yummy!!! It was really nice, masha'Allah. Oh yeah, don't forget the salad... It has been a very successful day for me and I thank only Allah for that. I pray that each day is successful and that I see more results soon... ahmeen.

Word of the day...

Squeeze...
I just like this word... hey, I think its interesting. 

mmm...

I woke up this morning hungry like a bear... therefore, I ate eggs with cheese and not a shake. It was sooo yummy! I plan on having my shake for lunch, insha'Allah. I've gotta get back to drinking more water. I have been slipping in the water department lately and I realize that I get way hungrier when I'm not drinking enough of it. Lately it tastes horrible to me. I think I'm gonna squeeze a little lemon in it to help with that insha'Allah. I've been thinking... I want to do a word of the day thing... yeah, just a word to ponder or a word that I just like the sound of... I'll post a new one each day... I won't be for vocabulary purposes, rather just for fun. enjoy!

Day fifty-four...

Today has been really nice, masha'Allah. I ate a very light breakfast, as I really wanted eggs with cheese this morning. I had a shake for lunch and went out to dinner with my hubby. It was pretty satisfying, masha'Allah. Even though I went out for dinner I feel like today was a big accomplishment for me. I didn't overdo it... Im happy today... thats something.

Day fifty-three...

Alhamdulillah, today turned out to be nice. I was feelin' pretty down this morning but things did get better for me. Haylah put highlights in my hair and that really pepped me up, because I like to look nice. Then we went to a friends for dinner and even though I wasn't too thrilled about going at first I really enjoyed myself. I don't really know why I didn't feel up to it before, just in a slump emotionally I guess. Still, I was happy that I went in the end. The food was great and I prepared myself by only having shakes all day long. That way I didn't feel guilt for enjoying myself. I got dressed, did my new hair and put on make-up. All things that I really didn't know I had the patience to do. It turned out nice though. I felt pretty and that is priceless. Each day brings me closer to being the person I want to be. I've gotta just stay focused and not let my mistakes get me down too much. I can do this, insha'Allah. This is already day 53 and that is amazing!!! I can do it! I can shed this outer shell of a person and reveal the thinner, sexier, prettier, healthier me within!!! So my day ends with a smile... :) And all praise belongs to Allah the One and Only!!!

speechless...

I feel a flood of mixed emotions today. Earlier I was telling my hubby how I feel like I'm really making a life change and that for the first time in my life I actually feel like I will really change. It makes me happy to feel that I am changing my way of life and with that I am protecting myself from the stresses of regaining the weight. I was so content earlier. Well, now I feel so mixed. I am sitting here struggling to resist the urge to eat. I know that this will probably never go away. Still, I wish it were easier. I want to eat emotionally and that is not good right now. I need to take a step back and refocus. I don't want to make a mistake. I will be good though, insha'Allah. I am just very emotional right now... you know women and their emotions... :) well, today has been great, except for my extreme gush of emotions. I will make it though and tomorrow will be easier, insha'Allah.
end of day 51!!! (that ain't nothin' to complain about!)

Yay!!! Day fifty!!!!!

I'm so happy to announce that this is day fifty!!! That is amazing to me, masha'Allah. I can't believe that I have been at it this long. I am really seeing results too, completely by the Mercy of Allah alone. My clothes are getting looser and that is great!!! (actually it's pretty fantastic)
Today I did have a moment of weakness when my neighbor brought us a delicious pineapple upside down cake... yeah.... very delicious... and to say the least, I didn't know that just from others reactions... I actually had some. That wouldn't have been the worst thing were it not for the mini pizzas that my other friend brought. I had too much of that stuff and really started to beat myself up about it. I know, I know... tomorrow is another day, I would just like to have more days where I do the right thing and don't give in to the temptations. Insha'Allah they are coming. Today was just today, meaning that I don't have to take it with me, tomorrow will be new and there are plenty of chances for me to correct my mistakes, insha'Allah. 
I've also been beating myself up about what I call total stupidity... I keep thinking... why didn't I lose the weight when I was young??? I would have been much more beautiful then... Now I feel so old... but still losing the weight is better for me and I will probably feel younger without it, insha'Allah. I've just gotta keep tellin' myself that.
well, I'll check in tomorrow, insha'Allah.

Day forty-nine...

Today has been good, masha'Allah! Not perfect, but I'm pleased with my eating and how I feel too. I had a shake for breakfast then a light lunch and a light dinner. I slipped up a bit when I ate two oreo cookies (my personal enemy). Still, I feel that I rebounded nicely and didn't let it overtake my success for the day. I didn't overdo it so insha'Allah I got it out of my system. Although, with oreos its never really out of the system. I think of oreos and doritos like drugs. I feel out of control around them and thats why I usually don't even let myself have a taste. (sometimes not even a smell:) It's very hard to explain... those two things are too hard for me to resist. I am pleased with today and I pray that tomorrow will be better and I pray that Allah, the Most High, gives me success and increases me in results...ahmeen.

Day forty-eight...

I've been doing well lately, masha'Allah. Today I had a shake for breakfast and a light lunch then I didn't really feel like a meal for dinner so I opted to have another shake. It was nice, masha'Allah. I've been worried about slipping so much lately that I was kinda panicking. I am feeling better though now and I know that I will be able to stay on track, insha'Allah. I have a better picture of how I want to look than ever before. Insha'Allah that will help me to achieve my goal of being healthy, thin, confident and beautiful. I will try harder to post daily... I've been slippin'! Well, its off to bed for me now... zzzzzzzz...

I'm back...

Day forty-five... I think... I've gotta get on track with that, insha'Allah. Im back on track... I am so happy to be on track too! I was really starting to beat myself up about my lack of control this week. Well, purely by the Mercy of Allah, alone, I am back on track now! I will push myself to continue and push myself to post daily again. I had nice meals today and a shake for dinner, it was nice. I know that I will fall right back into place with my plan, insha'Allah. I can hardly wait to see the thin me under all this other stuff. May Allah make it easy for me...ahmeen!

End of day forty-two...

I feel myself slipping these days. I have gotta get back into my groove of eating according to reason not desire. I will get there, insha'Allah. I know that these days have been a bit difficult and the temptations have been pretty much unlimited, still, I've gotta get it together. So much food has been pouring through the doors of the house due to the situation, may Allah reward all those who have helped...ahmeen. I don't really have a good reason for eating... but then again, thats how my addiction works, right? I must resist and take hold of myself. I can't let myself fall back into old habits, insha'Allah. Today will be much better, insha'Allah... I will abide by my plan and I will feel better, insha'Allah. I will, by the Mercy and Will of Allah alone, be a thin, healthy, happier woman... I will try to make more time for updates, insha'Allah. I can't let myself return to the 'old' me...thats unbearable... may Allah make it easy for me... ahmeen.

Relapse...

I think that today is day 41... I'm only unsure because my life has been turned upside down lately due to the death of a dear family member. I have gotta get back on track though now. I've eaten too much the past few days and now I'm back, insha'Allah. I will post more later, insha'Allah.

Day thirty-seven...

Sorry, I didn't feel much like blogging yesterday. I am so excited that I've been keeping it going now for 37 days. This is a huge accomplishment for me, masha'Allah! I've been staying on my plan well, masha'Allah. Yesterday I got the bright idea to split up my shake and only put one scoop of the slim fast in the shake and then have another the same for dinner. Well, I didn't have any energy because my body really missed the nutrients. So today, I was back to the regular method of preparation, masha'Allah. I had pizza for lunch, but didn't really over eat. Although it was fattening, Im not sad because I am really in control of my eating, may Allah make it easy for me to stay on track...ahmeen. I've done well, I can't complain.... Just gotta keep up the struggle and not get too confident...

hmmm...

Well, today went very well, masha'Allah! Thats the end of day 35! That is cool, huh? Today I've been thinking alot about how I will look after losing the weight. I keep asking myself... will you be beautiful or ehhh??? Crazy huh?  I don't know how I will feel when I can actually sit in a room full of people and not try to cover my belly somehow. I've been doing that all my life and I wonder if I will ever feel confident in myself enough to break that habit. My face is changing, masha'Allah. I am seeing that my face is actually not round... I wonder how I will look??? Im nervous and excited at the same time. Insha'Allah I will be pleased when I get there. 
Todays eating went good. I had a shake for breakfast, literally a few bites for lunch and a few bites for dinner. I drank lots of water although if any of you sees lemon pepper tang on the shelf...DON'T buy it!!! That stuff is soooo nasty! I almost threw up... literally! I did have two diet pepsis though... that's not great but its not a frequent thing that I do. I had one with lunch and one after dinner. I don't know... all this thinking about my looks and realizing how low my self-esteem really is kinda made me want a snack... I did resist the urge to snack like I used to though. That really is an accomplishment. Before I would have gotten a few packs of oreos and pretzels and coffee and what ever else I could get my hands on from the kitchen. However, tonight I enjoyed a cup of coffee and then a handful of pretzel sticks with my diet pepsi. I didn't over indulge at all, masha'Allah! Well, I've gotta stay focused! I've got a long road still ahead and I can't afford to get lazy or relax at all. I must keep working every moment to get from thick to thin, insha'Allah!

Day thirty-four...

Today is going well, masha'Allah. I'm eating better but still don't have a desire for alot of food... this is fantastic! I'm just having a lazy Saturday at home with hubby and the kids... its really nice not to be rushing around town all day. Well, not much to update today, insha'Allah I'll post later.
I'm still hangin' in there, masha'Allah!

Finally a 'real' milkshake...

Well, I am happy... no... delighted to inform you that I finally had a real milkshake. Yeah, not slimfast, an actual shake made with real ice cream. It was fantastic... Masha'Allah!!!
Hubby took me out tonight and I got a milkshake before dinner... yeah, I'm an adult so I can do that right :) Then we got a pizza to share, Philly Cheese Steak from Dominos... remember it is my break night. Well, I'm still not really feelin' like eating much so I couldn't put down more than one piece. That is okay with me. Never thought I would enjoy my break so much... even without eating much. It was just nice to have something different. 
So... today I did well, masha'Allah. Another day of success. May Allah bless me with many more...ahmeen.

Day thirty-three...

Masha'Allah, I'm really starting to see some results now. I still don't have much of an appetite today, but once again I must say Alhamdulillah for that!!! I'm going out with my hubby tonight... I'm not feeling too hungry though. Maybe we will share something... I know I can't eat a whole plate of anything. I will update with the details later, insha'Allah.
Oh yeah... today someone actually told me that I'm getting skinny...someone that I haven't seen in a while. That really made me feel good, masha'Allah! Still a long road ahead though...can't lose sight of things. May Allah make it easier for me and give me greater results...ahmeen.

Day thirty-two...

It's pretty cool that I've made it to day 32! I'm pleased with my progress, however, I know that I have a very long road ahead and I don't want to relax yet. I haven't felt much like food today either. That is nice, masha'Allah. I did eat a bit though, but not really even enough to list. I did enjoy my shake for breakfast though, masha'Allah. I should really get a multi-vitamin in me though... gotta put that on my 'to do' list, insha'Allah. Well, not much to report today.... see yah :)

Day thirty-one...

Today is going well, masha'Allah... as far as my eating is concerned. I don't really have much of an appetite these days though. I don't really know why... just don't. Hey, I'm not complaining... I will enjoy not having the urge to clean out the kitchen any time I can get it. As far as I'm concerned this is really a blessing, masha'Allah! I'm pretty exhausted today though... I am really looking forward to getting the kids in the bed so that I can enjoy some 'me' time, insha'Allah. I will update later, insha'Allah.

Day thirty... Amazing...

Masha'Allah, there were many times I felt like giving up this month... completely by the Mercy of Allah alone I was able to make it this far. Alhamdulillah, I now am really starting to actually see a difference. This is alot of encouragement for me. I've gotta keep it up though and not get too comfy... I have in the past gotten lazy right after seeing some results. I don't wanna be that person anymore. It hasn't been easy and I am learning alot about myself in the process. I am learning to not think about food all the time... which is probably the biggest accomplishment so far... but I'm not quite finished with it. It keeps popping back every now and then. I had a shake for breakfast and not much of anything for lunch and then a very small dinner and now I am pleased with the fact that I resisted my urge to grab something unhealthy for a snack. I opted for a skimmed milk, no sugar strawberry milk shake ( remember I don't use ice cream), and a cup of tea. I've also been doing well with my water intake, masha'Allah. I am pleased but my struggle is far from over... I've gotta take my feelings now and hold onto them to help me push through the next month, insha'Allah. May Allah make it easy for me and continue to bless me with visible results...ahmeen.

Just one of those days...

I'm really sorry I didn't post yesterday... it really was just one of those days. I did great with my plan though. Actually I didn't feel like eating all day so I had two shakes, without snacks and I forced myself to eat dinner. I don't know why, just one of those days. 

Today is day twenty-nine...already. I can't help but feel happy to have stuck with it this long. I pray that Allah makes it easy for me to continue far beyond this day...ahmeen. I will update later, insha'Allah

Day twenty-seven...

Masha'Allah, I can hardly believe that it is already day twenty-seven. I've been working hard and struggling hard too. I am starting to feel and see a difference, and I still know that I have got a long way to go. Insha'Allah I will hang in there and continue to transform myself from thick2thin. 
Today is going great... so far, may Allah give me the will power to withstand cravings and prevent me from nibbling...ahmeen. I will update later, insha'Allah.

Mixed emotions...

Today I let myself enjoy a few treats, as a break. I have earned it but still felt a bit a guilt after consuming it. I don't know why I am so emotional about things sometimes. I just feel like I'm never gonna not be addicted to food. That scares me. I get a handle on it for a while and I always have to worry about when I will slip up. I guess I should just remember that each day is a chance to succeed and continue to push through all of the emotions and achieve thinness for the first time in my life. I can do it...insha'Allah.

oops... its didn't go through...

I tried to post yesterday, the internet was acting up so it didn't go through. I had a horrible migraine though. I was pretty much out of it then anyway. Masha'Allah I am feeling better today... Im just exahausted!!! My eating has been going really well, masha'Allah. I will update more later, insha'Allah.
Day 25 gone now I'm on day 26...wow, masha'Allah!

Day twenty-four complete...

Whew... today has really been busy. I am thankful to be here now and actually having a moment to post. It's very late and I should be sleeping, but here I am, keeping true to my commitment to post daily. I have done great today with my plan, masha'Allah. I ate a small breakfast, a light snack, had my shake for lunch, ate another light snack then a nice dinner. I did well, except... because I was so busy I did neglect some of my water intake. I know that I got at least half in though. I wasn't expecting to be out of the house for so long, so I didn't take my bottle on the road. Still, I think I did great today, masha'Allah. I am seeing a bit of improvement with the way that my clothes are fitting but still I don't see much change in my appearance. Although hubby says he sees it, masha'Allah :) I guess that is important huh???  :) Well, since its been such a long day, I will get off of this laptop and head off to dream land, insha'Allah.

May Allah bless me with success...ahmeen!

Feelin' a bit better...

Well, I'm feelin' a bit better now, but still having some discomfort. I did well with my plan today, masha'Allah. I had a nice hot cup of tea to help me feel better, masha'Allah it did help a bit. I had an apple for my night-time snack, that was nice too. I hope that tomorrow I will be feeling 100%, insha'Allah.
Day twenty-three is over...masha'Allah!

blah...

Yeah, thats right... I feel blah today. I just have this knot in my throat and it doesn't seem to want to go away. I was sooo hungry earlier. I ate but its just sitting in my throat. I don't know what to do. I just feel weird. I want to have a shake, but I'm worried it will not go down well. We'll see, insha'Allah. I'll update later, insha'Alah...

My snacks today...

 

1/2 a grill cheese with some dried fruit... yum, yum!

Day twenty-two...

Today is going great, masha'Allah. I really don't wanna mess it up. I had a shake for breakfast and successfully resisted my urge to nibble, masha'Allah. I drank lots of water (which had me going to the bathroom many times). I had mixed salad from the restaurant for my snack with a small bit of bread, and a diet pepsi. I am pleased with my progress today, insha'Allah I will be strong enough to withstand my desires to nibble on pointless stuff. I'm a bit nervous... I plan to head to the kitchen in a bit to cook lunch for the family. I plan on making french fries... that is one of my weaknesses... May Allah, the Most High protect me from slipping up and losing control of myself...ahmeen. I will update later... make dua'a for me.

Sigh...

I'm feelin' pretty down tonight. It seems that everyday I stumble at some point. I just wish it were easier to stay on my plan without being tempted or without slipping up somehow. I hate it when I am doing really well and then I succumb to a stupid urge and mess things up. Oh well, I am human, and mistakes are what we do... right??? Well, tomorrow is yet another day... another day to attempt to do this right, without mistakes... it's possible... I have done it before and insha'Allah, by the Mercy of Allah alone, I will do it again. I've just gotta analyze my day and try not to fall into the same mistakes again. Anyone know any creative ways to prevent nibbling??? Is anyone out there reading???

Yay!!!

The chocolate shake was great, masha'Allah!!! I really enjoyed that, I drank my shake while cooking french fries for my kids... I usually nibble while I cook so I might eat like a half a plate of fries before I finish cooking them all. I was happy to sip my shake instead. I bought straws to use when I drink my shakes. I know, I'm such a little kid... still, I really enjoyed drinking my chocolate shake with my straws... :)
Yay... its day twenty-one... That is an accomplishment for me, masha'Allah! I am looking much healthier and I can tell I'm melting. I am staying true to my plan and its working. I had a light breakfast and showed good self-control, masha'Allah. I drank some moca with whipped cream for a snack with my hubby, and I drank my yummy chocolate shake for lunch. I just had a nice salad for a snack and I wonder what I will have for dinner??? I'll update later, insha'Allah.

Day twenty...

Alhamdulillah!!! Day twenty, that is amazing! Here I am after returning from grocery shopping happy... I finally got the chocolate slim-fast. I am excited to try it tomorrow, insha'Allah. Today I have done well, masha'Allah. I had a very light breakfast, which is funny because I ate the same as yesterday yet I was satisfied, masha'Allah. I then had the rest of my dessert from last night for a snack. I ate a hotdog for lunch (we were out of milk, therefore, I couldn't make a shake), and I am anxious for dinner. My in-laws are coming for dinner tonight, and my mother-in-law is a wonderful cook and she is bringing the food, masha'Allah, may Allah reward her greatly...ahmeen. They will be here soon. I just thought I could squeeze in a quick blog post, insha'Allah. Well, I will update soon insha'Allah. Keep making dua'a for me... I sure need it.

yum,yum...

Masha'Allah, everything was delicious! We went to Majles here are some pics of my meal... 

 

I was so happy when I couldn't finish...

  

We also went for dessert, which I am pleased to report, I also couldn't finish that!!! That is amazing progress for me, Masha'Allah!

Truly the praise is only for Allah, the Lord of the worlds and all that exists! 

Day nineteen...

I can't believe that I have made it nineteen days already... that truly is an accomplishment, masha'Allah! Well, tonight is my big night out with my hubby, I'm really excited and really hungry. I don't know why but today I have been very hungry. I had a very light breakfast, which I soon realized was not enough. I counted my calories and decided to go ahead with my slim fast shake. Alhamdulillah, after that I was able to go much longer without feeling hungry. I ate a light lunch and am eagerly awaiting my night out. May Allah bless me with success, and give me an enjoyable evening...ahmeen.