Day one-forty...

Well... although my word of the day was encouraging... I feel anything but encouraged today. I believe this is possibly my lowest point since I began this journey. I feel like I've accomplished nothing and that I'm simply failing with everything. Nothing could really explain how I'm feeling right now apart from pathetic and miserable. Ive been doing this for 140 days now only to find that I haven't actually accomplished much. I don't really know when I lost sight of progress... its really too depressing to investigate it. I struggle daily with temptations and have realized that although I once thought I was past being distracted by such things that now I often fall into indulgences. I hate this about myself! I feel like I'm not normal... why is it so hard just to leave food alone??? And to make it just that much worse... I have to look at the faces of others who are undoubtedly thinking I'm fat and not even trying... which brings up another thorn of self deprecation... have I totally lost sight of my goals??? I don't know... but I do know that I need to evaluate my efforts and adjust them accordingly... I just wish I had the ability to see past this feeling... on to something better and brighter... I pray that tomorrow will bring about better feelings... I must persevere beyond this momentary slip from my course. Insha'Allah tomorrow will be better and I will be blessed with a clearer picture of how to salvage this ruined effort and replace its feelings with those of true alacrity...