Day one-forty-five...

Well, things seem to be a bit better than they were the last time I posted. I have made some changes with my efforts. I am trying harder to resist all things tempting. Im getting there... I really was way off track before and its taking alot out of me to get it back together. Its alot harder this time around. I know its all worth it though and I pray that I will be rewarded for my turmoil over this situation. Insha'Allah I will get there... I pray that someday I will actually be able to say I am where I want to be... that would be a fantastic day, indeed... hmmm, what a dream... insha'Allah it will become a reality!

Word of the day...

Ambivalent...
This is to be torn between two different feelings about something or someone... I like this word... its interesting to me... don't know why though. I've heard it used before but today was the first time I actually was interested enough to look it up... interesting.

Day one-forty...

Well... although my word of the day was encouraging... I feel anything but encouraged today. I believe this is possibly my lowest point since I began this journey. I feel like I've accomplished nothing and that I'm simply failing with everything. Nothing could really explain how I'm feeling right now apart from pathetic and miserable. Ive been doing this for 140 days now only to find that I haven't actually accomplished much. I don't really know when I lost sight of progress... its really too depressing to investigate it. I struggle daily with temptations and have realized that although I once thought I was past being distracted by such things that now I often fall into indulgences. I hate this about myself! I feel like I'm not normal... why is it so hard just to leave food alone??? And to make it just that much worse... I have to look at the faces of others who are undoubtedly thinking I'm fat and not even trying... which brings up another thorn of self deprecation... have I totally lost sight of my goals??? I don't know... but I do know that I need to evaluate my efforts and adjust them accordingly... I just wish I had the ability to see past this feeling... on to something better and brighter... I pray that tomorrow will bring about better feelings... I must persevere beyond this momentary slip from my course. Insha'Allah tomorrow will be better and I will be blessed with a clearer picture of how to salvage this ruined effort and replace its feelings with those of true alacrity...

Word of the day...

Alacrity...
Here's a new word that I just discovered... its great!!! I means eagerness or zeal... very nice, masha'Allah.

Word of the day...

Contrivance...
This is a word that I just came across which I had to look up... its interesting... it means to plan or scheme... interesting huh???

Day one-thirty-seven...

Things are looking pretty good these days... well... after my horrid moody weekend that is... yeah, I don't really know why but I was really, really, really moody this weekend. I'm not exaggerating either... I was more moody the last few days than I have been in ages... crazy. Well, I'm glad that seems to be behind me now and Im somewhat back to normal :) Yes, my usual bubbly self :) I have been struggling with my shakes lately... due to being out of milk and my hubby forgetting to get it from the store... well, I will do better when I'm able to have it twice a day again... insha'Allah tomorrow :) Well, other than that I am doing pretty good... if you don't count the unendurable sweet craving that seems to be ripping through my willpower with extreme force... yeah... I could always do better... one day at a time... insha'Allah tomorrow will be better :)

Day one-thirty-three...

I've been doing pretty well with my eating this week. I enjoyed my weekend though and I was happy to get back on track as soon as it was over and done with. I went to a nice place Friday night with my hubby for dinner and we had a lovely evening... as usual when we go out :) Masha'Allah :) Then Saturday he dropped me and my oldest girl off at the mall where we shopped and ate lunch together. It was really nice to have some girl time with her... she is growing into a woman so fast these days... I know that my days with her are numbered... before too long she will be entering into adulthood and getting married and starting her own family... well not too soon but it feels like it will be too soon. Its very nice to be out with her though... she is really interesting to spend time with... no longer like a child, shes maturing alot now. 
Well, my burn is still healing and to my chagrin, it actually hurts still :( nothing unbearable though. I don't know when my skin will look normal again... it seems kinda like it may never be the same... I dunno? insha'Allah it will heal and all signs of it will disappear. For now I've gotta keep it bandaged and dry... it will get better soon insha'Allah.
Well, I started my classes online for Arabic and I am busier than ever these days. This is a welcome thing for me. I enjoy myself when I have plenty to keep busy with. I've been focusing on my studies and reading whenever I find a free moment... this is good for me.
I hope to post more often, but, it seems that Im hardly ever on my computer for leisure anymore. Still, Ill make time :) insha'Allah...